Does guilt work? Does pressure work? Does shame work? Does fear work?

OR does Love work?  Let’s explore this.

I am in India currently and the Prime Minister has launched a campaign for Clean India. The advertisement uses “shame”, people shaming the person dirtying.  The end result required is Clean India. Will this shaming work?

On the other hand is a India Toursim campaign where hawkers, rickshawallahs, cab drivers, even poor people are being felicitated for returning stuff the tourist has forgotten. In other words its a “Celebration”, a campaign encouraging Honesty.

I did an interesting exercise a while back. I took out a sheet and divided it in 2 columns.

On the left column I wrote “Where Guilt, Shame, Fear worked” in making me change a behaviour

and on the right column I wrote “”Where Guilt, Shame, Fear didn’t work”

Interestingly NOT IN A SINGLE INSTANCE guilt, fear, shame or pressure worked in the long run. In the short run it did work but once the pressure was off  it again fell back to where it was.

On the other hand when I was in Class 4, during evening prep time some children were standing.  The Teacher on Duty came and caned  the ones who were standing. I didn’t get caned so when she finished I stood up and said “Ma’am even I was standing, you didn’t cane me”.  That was an innocent 9-10 year old me. She said “Since you been honest I won’t cane you”.

That little incident stayed with me for years, even now and encourages me to be honest no matter what’s happening.  The change in me happened INSIDE OUT. It stayed with me for ever since. Innocence, vulnerability and honesty worked.

It has stayed with me ever since. Love has glue. Super glue!

You may argue if the fear of Police didn’t exist, there would be chaos on the road. People may loot, rape and do all kinds of things. If the shame of extra marital affair wasn’t there would be a chaotic society. Pressure to meet sales, keeps a company running, a job going. etc etc.

Fear of Police works in short run means  unwanted elements “behave” themselves but what happens where there is a riot or a mob or adminstration breaks down?  They loot, rape do all kinds of horrible things.   Simply because change hasn’t happened from INSIDE.  Fear has only caused temporary change.

Let me make a special mention about a city called Mumbai. This is one of the best stories I have read about love in chaos. Few years ago there were massive floods in the city. In particular areas, the residents not only gave shelter to the people stuck in the floods but  building residents on the side of the flooded roads, created human chain supplying free food to people on the streets with as much as their shoulders in the flooded waters stuck for days.   Every riot has stories of people who acted out of love rather than the “societal pressure or mob mentality” simply because the call for love came from within.  When the dust has settled  the ones who acted from the call of the heart can look back with pride and satisfaction.

Pressure in a job may make “survival” of the job or the company. But it’s only “passion”, a heart emotion that gets the entire physiology moving, that has only and always resulted in excellence.  It wasn’t pressure that created iPod, it was passion for excellence.  Pressure can simply result in completion of a task. Pressure doesn’t have the sustaining power for long. Passion on other hand can make a person work 10 times harder, smarter than Pressure can ever hope to do.  The greatest tasks for a Passionate person would seem like play. The smallest tasks for a pressure driven person seem a chore “he HAS to do it”.  I was watching Richard Branson’s Daily Activities. This man “seems” like he is never working, always light hearted  but the fact is this man is doing far far far more work than any normal human being. The only difference is that its PLAY for him.

NOT ONE MASTERPIECE HAS EVER BEEN CREATED UNDER PRESSURE.  

Talking about shame of extra marital affair. Shame may keep two people together for sometime but will that work? Will that create love and a magical relationship between the two?  Love between two people can make the biggest mistakes seem trivial but pressure, shame and guilt on other hand simply saps the energy out of the relationship making it seem as if its gluing the two people.  Gluing yes, Happiness No! I don’t know of a single relationship where guilt has made a couple happy. It may have kept them together though!

Pressure results in survival. Love results in Celebration

Will the Clean India campaign work?  I have my doubts. Yes people are talking about it because the campaign is in the media. What happens when the campaign is off?  Change can only work when the Love for Cleanliness, a Passion for Hygiene comes from within in the people of the society. When a poor person on the street feels a sense of ownership towards the city, colony, the road. He other words he embraces the society (again love working here!)

The bottomlime:  Force doesn’t work. Love does. Chuck the ruler, the cane you been beating yourself with. Shred the pressure you been using to get things in life.  When your cup is empty let the Universe fill it up? You will be surprised what happens.

Exercise:

IN WHAT AREA IN YOUR LIFE CAN YOU LET GO OF USING PRESSURE AND -VE EMOTIONS TO MAKE A CHANGE AND USE LOVE INSTEAD

It is simply a decision you make